E110 SCARY STORIES

Love and relationships often seem to be referred to as a type of game, but the mind game of  “who can care less” in today’s hookup culture prevents either party from winning, and if one does happen to win, relationships usually benefit from the successes as a team rather than individually. The concept of the “hit-it-and-quit-it” style of today’s so-called dating has been actualized in various speed dating platforms, the most popular one being Tinder. This style justifies pushing off relationships, commitment, and common courtesy as well as putting the physical, mental, and social well-being of all those who participate at risk. It has not only affected young adults dating, but also existing monogamous relationships, especially through the use of apps such as Tinder.

 

Relationships and dating are difficult to find, let alone partake in, so why not avoid all the unnecessary time and feelings it takes to put into them and just swipe right? Tinder, a free location-based dating app, allows users to search for potential partners via smartphone and show interest, or disinterest, by swiping left (disinterest) or right (interest) on someone else’s picture as it appears on your screen (Borrello). It’s easy- just like the people who use the app. Tinder is all about quick, casual sexual encounters that don’t require sufficient communication and getting to know one another before hitting the sheets, whether the designers of app would like to admit it or not. “Tinder and the Dawn of the Dating Apocalypse,” an article featured in Vanity Fair, has caused a stir in the conversation surrounding the effects of Tinder and the dating protocol of the twenty-first century. Many articles in response to Vanity Fair claim that the hookup culture is nothing new. CNN takes their observations back two decades ago and the fact that,  “there were plenty of drunken hookups, people getting hurt, confusion and heartbreaks. The underlying psychology of poor choices and insecurity isn't new” (Robins). The difference between the dating scene today and twenty years ago however, is the fact that we’re both soberly, and consciously, agreeing to sleep with someone before even meeting them. The drunken aspect of it all comes in when each “Tinderella” and her prince are too awkward to engage with one another sober- don’t fret now girls, fairy tales aren’t all make believe, every Tinderella can still lose a shoe every now and then.

 

“young men and women in their late teens and early twenties are happily exchanging their candy with such strangers. You might want to keep that sweet stuff wrapped up because who knows whose goodies will end up being sour.”

  

The younger generation’s ability to properly communicate without social media and technology is insufficient. It is already a known fact that the social skills of millennials are not up to par with those of their parents, but apps such as Tinder and OkCupid are supporting the lack of necessity to maintain the ability to sustain a face-to-face conversation.  Patricia Greenfield, a professor of psychology at UCLA, conducted an experiment testing the hypothesis that, “children’s social skills may be declining as they have less time for face-to-face interaction due to their increased use of digital media” (Wolpert). Results of Greenfield’s experiment proved to support her hypothesis. Yalda Uhls, a lead author of the study, stated after the study’s completion, “You can’t learn nonverbal emotional cues from a screen in the way you can learn it from face-to-face communication… if you’re not practicing face-to-face communication, you could be losing important social skills” (Wolpert). Holding a substantial and meaningful conversation with someone on an intellectual and intimate level feeds off of emotional cues, and if we can no longer read such cues due to dependency on social media to begin these conversations, how are we supposed to know how to properly respond to and sustain the conversation? The use of emojis and emoticons online are replacing real emotions and, from the results of apps like Tinder, they prove to be emotionally stirring enough to become intimate with a stranger.

 

Throughout our childhood, we have been warned not to take candy from strangers. Now, young men and women in their late teens and early twenties are happily exchanging their candy with such strangers. You might want to keep that sweet stuff wrapped up because who knows whose goodies will end up being sour. In recent years, the finger of blame points straight to the hookup culture for the rise in sexually transmitted diseases. Between 2013 and 2014 as the use of “hookup apps” increased, so did the rate of Syphilis by 79%, HIV infections by 33%, and Gonorrhea by 30% (Goldman). This past September, the AIDS Healthcare Foundation created billboards criticizing apps like Tinder and encouraging users to get tested for STD’s before meeting up with a match. Word of these billboards reached Tinder and they were not too happy about it. Tinder hired a lawyer to defend the app’s legitimacy when they could have simply responded by adding a few advertisements reminding users to be cautious and get tested for any possible STD’s (Peters). The AIDS Healthcare Foundation was not literally blaming the app for the increase of STD’s, but rather the idea surrounding apps like Tinder that seem to promote casual sex.

 

'"It simply makes people disposable. Oh, you do not feel an instant connection with this person? Not to worry. Do not bother trying. There are a million more people at your fingertips. I think it makes you more inclined to quickly give up on people.'"

 

Casual sex has been going on for decades but never before have people so openly publicized all the casual encounters they’re willing to have and with who. In Jo Sales’ Vanity Fair piece mentioned earlier, she paints the scene of a bar where majority of people are looking at their phone on apps such as Tinder and how men and women can skip from match to match throughout the night depending on which they like the best. That can take a toll on one’s self-esteem if you’re not the lucky guy or girl chosen from the list of matches. One minute you think you’re making a connection and the next your so-called match is out the door onto the next option. Hookup apps claim to save the user’s face by neglecting to tell them when someone has swiped left on them rather than right, but if you’re not receiving any matches, or as many as you thought, it doesn’t necessarily save face when you’re aware of how many people are on the app and in your area. Tinder has now even added a new feature where users can “swipe up” if they wish to “super-like” another user. If getting a swipe right wasn’t hard enough, now it isn’t going to be enough at all. Most users will probably be upset or their self-esteem shot if they’re not receiving the highest form of flattery through their phone. However, don’t be too quick to swipe up ladies and gentlemen you’re limited one swipe up per day unless you choose upgrade and pay to get five per day. Be sure to swipe carefully my friends.  

 

“In my opinion, this is the biggest downside of Tinder. Hands down. It simply makes people disposable. Oh, you do not feel an instant connection with this person? Not to worry. Do not bother trying. There are a million more people at your fingertips. I think it makes you more inclined to quickly give up on people. I try to make a conscious effort to avoid doing this, but it can be hard.” claims Rebecca Earl, a 22 year old who posted on a blog about her experiences with the app. As you can see, the loss of one’s face is more common from the app than expected. Not only do those interviewed in Jo Sales’ article discuss the “disposable-ness” of people they meet in the app but also those sharing personal experiences online. Hm Disposable- a term of endearment we’re all dying to be called!

 

It goes without saying that dating apps do not only result in one-night stands and the immediate gratification of one’s sexual urges. There are many people who use such apps to find -and have found- adequate and happy relationships. The stereotype of the hookup culture promotes the negative encounters resulting from these apps while many people have actually become hooked on one another through them. It is not the practice of one-night stands and the hookup culture that one should bear caution to- it is losing the ability to interact without the use of social media, voluntarily opening oneself to the lowering of their own self-esteem, and the obliviousness to the possibility of receiving or passing on a sexually transmitted disease due to the constant availability of hookups from these apps.

 

Founder of Tinder, Sean Rad, stated in a CNN interview that with the app they’ve  “decreased the time it takes to reach the ultimate goal.” When asked if Tinder has taken away romance he replied, “we haven’t eliminated it, we sort of cut to the chase a little bit” (Goldman). Phrases such as these call into question what the “ultimate goal” of the creator and users of the app may be. “Cutting to the chase” and “reaching the ultimate goal” is not something people may want to hear when developing a relationship, so why doesn’t Rad just face the truth of what his app really is- a means of hooking up. While the goal may vary from user to user, for the founder of a “dating app” to diminish the time and courage it takes to develop and begin a relationship does not sound promising for anything other than a one night stand.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Many people partaking in the hookup culture are not even looking for a promising relationship. The appeal of monogamy has significantly decreased over the years. Open relationships are becoming more common as well as pushing off commitment to find what one truly wants in a relationship. Majority of people are still looking to settle down and get married but the process leading up to marriage is certainly different from those of our grandparents. An interviewee in Alex Morris’ Tales from the Millennials’ Sexual Revolution certainly agrees with this, “...an order of events he says is very much the norm. ‘It’s almost in reverse in a sense. It’s like the relationship is the really special and unique part,’ while the sex is a step you take to see whether or not you’d want to commit to the relationship.” However, even when in a “stable” relationship, there is still the need to seek out other sexual partners to fully fulfill oneself. While the idea of marriage is still a necessary step in one’s life, settling down and committing to one single person beforehand is no longer considered. Another interviewee in Morris’ article claimed that he prefers his relationships to be only 95% monogamous. He states that, “Within the past year, he’s only had sex with someone else ‘maybe twice, three times,’ but it makes him feel more confident in the commitment he’s made knowing that, should the opportunity to sleep with someone else present itself, he can take it…’you find someone that’s just so amazing that it would be irresponsible on your life’s trajectory not to [sleep with them], then that’s what the five percent is for. I don’t want to ever feel like I missed out.”’ What leads to a successful marriage is a monogamous relationship regardless of how they began. But with this mindset of open relationships, how is one supposed to find the marriages they claim to want if they are incapable of upholding the monogamy that is marriage?

 

The reality of today’s hookup culture is that it is not new, but the millennials have amped up the game since the baby-boomers. The concept of slow, steady, and now exclusive relationships are long gone and don’t seem to be showing up again anytime soon. In the dating scene today there is a lack of socialization due to social media. Men and women alike need to change their aspirations of relationships and possibly even the fairy tales they will be telling their potential kids about love and finding their prince charming. This decade’s hookup culture has ultimately taken romance out the equation and we can no longer expect to experience it regularly. While casual hookups through the swipe of your finger can promote broadening one’s horizon and meeting new people, it is not the most promising practice to settling down.

 

Now don’t get me wrong, I have no beef with the hookup culture but the rate at which is has increased in recent years and the means used to meet others due to the use of hookup apps is a cause of concern. Going back to the old ways of flirting and hooking up is not only more effective in my opinion, but it is also a healthier means of interacting with one another and forming lasting relationships. The hookup culture can be a scary thing. With all the problems that both physically and socially result from casual encounters and open relationships within these apps, it is a not a hopeful path we’re heading down when looking for forever. Encouraging the use of quick online apps to find relationships is taking a toll on our abilities to communicate and truly connect with one another. So, ladies and gentlemen I encourage you to every now and then to switch it up and swipe out of the app. Head to the bar or local social scene and see how you survive in the old school dating game- who knows, you just might beat all the other Tinderella’s in the race to midnight.

 

 

 

 

Works Cited

Borrello, Antonio. “The Shocking Truth About Tinder; It’s More Than Just a Hook-Up App!” Huffington Post. TheHuffingtonPost.com, Inc., 20 Aug 2015. Web. 9 Nov 2015.

Bukatman, Allie. “The Hook-Up Culture Has Killed The Possibility Of Dating In College.” Elite Daily. N.p., 2 Apr 2014. Web. 9 Nov 2015.

Earl, Rebecca. “My Tinder experience: The pros and cons.” Rebecca Earl. Rebecca Earl, 29 July 2015. Web. 7 Dec 2015.

Goldman, David. “Tinder and hookup apps blamed for rise in STDs.” CNN Money. Cable News Network. A Time Warner Company, 26 May 2015. Web. 9 Nov 2015.

Morris, Alex. “Tales From the Millennials’ Sexual Revolution.” Rolling Stone. Rolling Stone, 31 Mar 2014. Web. 23 Nov 2015.

Peters, Alison. “Apps don’t cause STDs, lack of prevention and health checkup cause.” Tech News Today. Tech News Today, 12 Oct 2015. Web. 9 Nov 2015.

Robins, Mel. “Has Tinder replaced dating with hookup culture?” CNN. Cable News Network. Turner Broadcasting System, Inc., 18 Aug 2015. Web. 9 Nov 2015.

Sales, Nancy Jo. “Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”.” Vanity Fair Culture. Condé Nast, Sept 2015. Web. 9 Nov 2015.

Sciortino, Karley. “Breathless: In Defense of Hookup Culture.” Vogue. Condé Nast, 9 Sept 2015. Web. 10 Nov 2015.

Wolpert, Stuart. “In our digital world, are young people losing the ability to read emotions?” UCLA Newsroom. UCLA, 21 Aug 2014. Web. 9 Nov 2015.

 

Art by:
Header: Glenn Harper; https://www.flickr.com/photos/glennharper/43426112

In Bed: The Kiss; Henri Toulouse Lautrec; https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Toulouse_Lautrec_In_bed_the_kiss.jpg